I have mostly not tried to find other people on the spectrum, primarily because a) I didn’t know I was and b) they didn’t appeal to me. For many, normalising is a goal, and you don’t get that from hanging out with people who accept and understand your oddities. Do you want to only hang out with people who use sign language, or learn to speak/hear like the rest of the planet?
And yet, in predictable and unpredictable ways, I found them, and I like being with them (not exclusively).
My working life was very low level (think cleaner, car park attendant) until the Internet came along. So I work in tech now and a large (far more more than general society) number of my co-workers are clearly on the spectrum. However most of them are Hindu (married young) or Muslim (don’t drink), and from different cultures, so there isn’t much socialising to be had.
My social life has fared much better. Although long-winded and awkward, because I love live music (confronting the noise of loud rock because it is worth it) and I frequent the same places frequently, I get to recognise other people like me (in the far back corner, never interacting, not dancing) and eventually I might or they might break the ice.
I have tried to go to intellectual hangouts – public lectures, book clubs and so on – but they weren’t the right spot for me. When lectures finished and people lingered and chatted, I just left.
Pool (as in billiards) has made a big difference to my world. I’ve been playing it all my life and so have many other people on the spectrum. It just fits:
- an entry into the normal, bloke world
- hours of solitary obsession, practise and perfection
- performed in very social spaces (bars)
- not much communication required
- angles
Consequently I have been drawn to playing pool in bars, pool comps and billiard halls…
…and as I have learned more about autism, I have recognised traits more, and those places are full of us.
So lucky for me I:
- had a friend who also liked playing pool (as opposed to going to such places on my own)
- found a bar with pool and a lot of mostly single, lonely middle-aged men who like pool
- have the lovely scenario of being good at something in a realm of social lubricants
Basically I have found a magnet for people like me, and we all get along great, camaraderie. People on the spectrum – in my experienced to be very forgiving and empathetic. And we generally listen to each other’s long-winded stories and explanations.
Alongside that, and not so easy, I found love on a generic dating app because her profile had a tiny hint of spectrum in the wording. So, keep an eye out!