I Need to Hangout with Neurotypicals More!

Posted on August 13, 2026 by Admin

Online, social media, it feeds me a lot of autism stuff, and I belong to a few groups.
Work, in a large marketing corporation, a good half of the people doing technical work were autistic
(they still are, I have simply stopped working there…)
My best friend is autistic
My kids are a little bit autistic + one who very much is. We get on possibly partly due to that commonality.
If a TV show has an autistic character, I’m in. There are quite a few.
I go to “Autism Club” once a fortnight. It is technically a support group.
My social hub is a bowls club. It is inner city and “cool” and the people who are there the most tend to be on the spectrum.
Why? The technical aspects of lawn bowls and pool, the lubrication.
They all sort of gravitated together, and we don’t really care too much about the “why” we all get along so well.

In short, I talk to neurotypical people rarely. Without even trying.

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Rugby and Autism

Posted on July 21, 2026 by Admin

As a young man I was freakishly good at rugby, on the wing. I first started playing at 17, and was quickly the star of the local under-18 side. The next year I played for the seniors and became the focus of their tactics – I scored an average of two tries per game, probably the highest in NZ at that level.

Disclaimer – I wasn’t interested in tackling, I never went to a gym, I was pale and puny, and I didn’t socialise. That, plus rugby being amateur back then, meant I didn’t play for my province.

I did however play in NZ, AU, England and Scotland. In Edinburgh I trained with Scott Hastings. In NZ my team mates included Alan Dawson (NZ 7s captain and double Counties centurion) and Jim Coe (NZ second XV captain).

My captain introduced me to the captain of the French international side, saying I had scored some of the best tries he had ever seen.

So, what is going on? I just saw a video that makes sense of it. Something call anticipatory skill / pattern recognition:

Prior to rugby I played various other field sports. My guess is that pattern recognition meant I could anticipate the movements of the opposition defenders.

It makes sense because when I scored tries I was not conscious of any choices I made, they were an automatic reaction to the tableau in front of me. I just “knew” where to run. We autistics are generally not sporty types, but in my personal experience it gave me a great advantage.

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Dense-ended Spectrums

Posted on May 14, 2026 by Admin

Thanks to autism – the most commonly considered “on the spectrum” condition, we now see a lot of human traits as being part of a spectrum. But lately there have been moves to distinguish mild autism as a distinctly different condition to severe autism. I disagree with that, for example I sometimes rock, like severe cases do. I’m just on the other end of the spectrum

We are arguably all on the spectrums of autism, OCD, ADHD, sexuality, sociopaths, depressed and everything else. The problem with “spectrum” is think of an even spread, like a rainbow.

My opinion: the spectrums are real, and useful, but they are very dense at the most noticeable end (fewer people but way worse), average through the middle, and the majority of people are mild/negligible at the less noticeable end. Bell curves don’t fit either.

According to AI possible names for what I am describing are reverse J-curve distribution or right-skewed severity spectrum. They just need a catchier name, like bell curve.

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Me and Rules

Posted on February 12, 2026 by Admin

It has taken a fair bit of self-analysis, helped by my recent understanding that I am ADHD on top of autism.

I follow rules extremely to the letter. As a young man I used to (literally) kick the side panels of cars that ran through red lights.

A few years back I took a shortcut, through the checkout, into a supermarket, to make it easier with a knee injury. As I walked through an employee told me off, saying it wasn’t allowed. I have since realised that some of my strongest memories are from deep embarrassment resulting from not doing something correctly and being told off for it.

Rules give me the structure I need to cope with society. If normal people cross the road when the green man is lit up, I can do the same and be normal. Rules (the non-social type) are easy to understand and follow, and are everywhere if you care to notice.

Viewed from a different angle, I deeply fear being spotted as being different, and that can arise from breaking rules. Or even being wrong about something, or saying the wrong word. For anything outside of rules, I tend to prepare beforehand, to avoid getting it wrong. Or avoid the scenario.

I don’t know if it is an ADHD thing, but I also break rules all the time, at heart I am a rebel. But these are rules that are more about generic conformity, like hair style, that can be a choice. For many years in my 20s I had dreadlocks, long before they had any sort of popularity. Anything “alternative” is an attraction. I’ve even been a cult leader of sorts. But I avoid being told off for breaking real, actual rules, like the plague.

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Noise

Posted on December 8, 2025 by Admin

A big clue that a younger person is autistic is the wearing of headphones to block noise, like in a noisy environment.

A “problem” with autism is that as you get older you develop techniques and tolerance, and so you might no longer be able to genuinely say something bothers you.

Noise is a funny one, because you don’t suffer horrendous noise in an empty paddock. It tends to be associated with a lot going on, which is also the problem. Nightclubs in my 20s were especially problematic, because of the combination – crowded, noisy, smoky (I’m old) and social awkwardness. I use to bail out regularly due to my “claustrophobia”, the best explanation I had.

But also I love music, especially live music. I’d be in the top 1% of society for seeing bands, easily. And so I have gotten used to it. Best is when I find a dark corner when I am not in anyone’s way.

Noise bothers me but I live 10 metres from a busy train crossing, and the noise is up there. I have become used to it, as expected. The crows on my roof make a racket so I yell back at them. Many environmental sounds, like the beeps of a reversing car, birds singing, emergency sirens, I sing back to them. I own the situation.

I do still visibly jump when I hear an unexpected loud noise. I laugh it off. These days.

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Gullible

Posted on September 24, 2024 by Admin

 

Autistic people are well-known for not being good at picking up on non-verbal indications, or thoughts that are not spelled out in capital letters.

And so it has been with me and relationships.

We all know that love is blind, and we ignore the negatives of a person… In love I think I am triple blind, the degrees of which I cannot see the downsides.

I’ve been ripped off. Primarily when I was green and in the big wide world. These days  experience, and learning my vulnerabilities, and my general shying away from anything intrusive… means I have been okay.

But I did buy that $10 Rolex in NYC.
I was lured places on false pretences
I did have relationships with certifiably crazy ladies
I was vulnerable for quite a while but now I am almost the opposite, with self-knowledge and my defences well up.

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Most Inland Port of the US

Posted on September 23, 2023 by Admin

A long time ago I was gifted 1% of a port. A real port, albeit a minor one – the owner had done wrong by me commercially and the recompense was more than fair, 6 figures.

We were still ongoing partners in other ventures. He look me out to the port – in America – to brag about its potential. I also bragged; being an efficiency genius, I wagered that I could improve their operations, merely by casting my eye over it.

It bugs me today, decades later, the exact words I said, and how wrong I was.

I was not good at efficiency, I was OCD obsessed with efficiency. Two very different things.

In Cambodia this week I am obsessed with being efficient around doing the best solution to:

  • ATMs mostly serve $100 bills in USD
  • ATMs all charge $5 per withdrawal
  • Shops/restaurants mostly can’t accept a large bill
  • Small change is returned in the different, local currency, so you carry both
  • Exchange rate is 4150 to 1
  • Many places only accept cash
  • Neither currency has any use back home (for me in Australia)
  • Tuk tuk drivers are vague on price
  • The lowest note is worth 3 cents and I left them on the bedside table

Upshot: I spent literal hours of torment over a few dollars difference. $20 tips on a trip costing $1000+ (local money), instead of the holiday aim being to relax. Instead of enjoying a walk along the river, I am consumed by the craziness of their system, a system that isn’t my normality.

I confuse being efficient with being obsessed with it so much I am anything but.

But my oddness led me to being a part owner of the most inland water port of the USA.

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I Don’t Get The Munchies

Posted on October 15, 2022 by Admin

I don’t get stoned much these days, but I have been plenty enough to know how I respond to it, and one thing I have never understood is that compulsory Hollywood association with getting the “munchies”. No actually feeling hungry, but more wanting very much to eat something pleasing, like pizza.

Something I know well about autism is that I have developed coping mechanisms over the years. And one that began very early and sub-consciously is reducing inputs to a manageable level, like wearing sunglasses to reduce the glare.

For example in dangerous or violent situations I tend to be a cool observer, detached from the reality. The alternative is to actively care which would be overwhelming (for me).

So, my theory regarding the munchies is that it is there, just somewhat muted, as part of the general muting of all feelings and sensations.

If my stoned friends take me to a restaurant, I do become more enthusiastic about eating and I enjoy it more – so there are aspects of munchies noticeable.

Also, I don’t tend to be a fanatic of anything. That might be related

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Special Sauce

Posted on April 17, 2022 by Admin

A “special sauce” to me is not a fun exploration, but rather a risk not worth taking.

When you reverse engineer it…

My biggest fear is being seen as different
Therefore I plan everything to the millimetre
Unknowns or changes destroy me
Any deviation from the plan is disastrous*

Ordering food is stressful and problematic.

If the menu is very clear about the components of the food – and all are agreeable = heaven.

If I need to change something, my stress goes through the roof. It’s not cool being the “fussy” person who needs to change things. But worse still, they often get it wrong. Often.

The number of times I have received a burger with mayo in it, and I have just walked out…

Burgers are better with sauce, I don’t doubt. When in the pics it looks white, I know it is mayo-based, and mayo is my kryptonite.

I love the concept of chicken burgers, but – for me – they don’t go with any sauces I like (tomato or BBQ). At home they are fine sauceless, but at fast food places, they are way too dry and need sauce.

Asking what that the sauce options are, and trusting their description, and trusting that my preferences will be adhered to… I end up saying “no sauce of any kind, please”, and I get a lesser food experience because the sauce makes the meal.

Special Sauce could be anything. While the proprietor might think it is the bees knees, to me it is an unknown and scary proposition.

While we are on the topic. I always ask for the meal to no include salad. I don’t mind salad, but getting it without dressing is t0o arduous. I get plenty of healthy food at home, my way.

Also, when I order burgers, if there are 3 things I don’t want in it, I don’t bother. Those things are pickles, mayo/aioli/mustard/unknown sauce. I’ve never tasted a pickle and don’t want to start now!

*a big plus about Asperger’s, for me, is that with time I improve. Life in general gets easier, and I fit in more. These days I am used to fears and disasters, so those words overstate how I am affected these days.

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Finding Similar People

Posted on March 31, 2022 by Admin

I have mostly not tried to find other people on the spectrum, primarily because a) I didn’t know I was and b) they didn’t appeal to me. For many, normalising is a goal, and you don’t get that from hanging out with people who accept and understand your oddities. Do you want to only hang out with people who use sign language, or learn to speak/hear like the rest of the planet?

And yet, in predictable and unpredictable ways, I found them, and I like being with them (not exclusively).

My working life was very low level (think cleaner, car park attendant) until the Internet came along. So I work in tech now and a large (far more more than general society) number of my co-workers are clearly on the spectrum. However most of them are Hindu (married young) or Muslim (don’t drink), and from different cultures, so there isn’t much socialising to be had.

My social life has fared much better. Although long-winded and awkward, because I love live music (confronting the noise of loud rock because it is worth it) and I frequent the same places frequently, I get to recognise other people like me (in the far back corner, never interacting, not dancing) and eventually I might or they might break the ice.

I have tried to go to intellectual hangouts – public lectures, book clubs and so on – but they weren’t the right spot for me. When lectures finished and people lingered and chatted, I just left.

Pool (as in billiards) has made a big difference to my world. I’ve been playing it all my life and so have many other people on the spectrum. It just fits:

  • an entry into the normal, bloke world
  • hours of solitary obsession, practise and perfection
  • performed in very social spaces (bars)
  • not much communication required
  • angles

Consequently I have been drawn to playing pool in bars, pool comps and billiard halls…

…and as I have learned more about autism, I have recognised traits more, and those places are full of us.

So lucky for me I:

  • had a friend who also liked playing pool (as opposed to going to such places on my own)
  • found a bar with pool and a lot of mostly single, lonely middle-aged men who like pool
  • have the lovely scenario of being good at something in a realm of social lubricants

Basically I have found a magnet for people like me, and we all get along great, camaraderie. People on the spectrum – in my experienced to be very forgiving and empathetic. And we generally listen to each other’s long-winded stories and explanations.

Alongside that, and not so easy, I found love on a generic dating app because her profile had a tiny hint of spectrum in the wording. So, keep an eye out!

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