My Asperger's Info

Copy and pasting this in full, it is that good, found here:

One of the central characteristics of autism in DSM 5 is a deficit in social communication and social interaction. The social and interpersonal aspects of life are a challenge, so how does the person who has autism adapt to these challenges? Clinical experience suggests there are three potential adaptations: the introvert, the “intensive” extrovert, and the “camouflaging” extrovert.

The Introvert

The more easily recognized adaptation is that of the person who could be described as an introvert. The child (and subsequent adult) actively minimizes or avoids social engagement, recognizing that social interaction is indecipherably complex, overwhelming, and stressful. This conspicuous adaptation, therefore, is to choose (where possible) to be alone to accomplish things while not necessarily feeling lonely.

But we are increasingly recognizing those people with autism who are extroverts and highly motivated to socialize. For these people, there are two potential adaptations that facilitate social engagement.

The “Intrusive” Extrovert

The first of these two adaptations is to actively seek social experiences, even though the person may not be able to read all the subtle social signals that regulate and moderate the intensity of social engagement. Due to impaired theory of mind, those who have autism often have difficulties reading the nonverbal communication used in a social interaction. Their social behavior is then perceived as intrusive, intense, and irritating. A metaphor to describe this adaptation to autism is that of a driver who does not see the traffic signals (nonverbal communication) or abide by the traffic code (social conventions). They are unable to accurately read social situations and therefore act inappropriately. While there is considerable motivation for social interaction and making friends, these experiences may nevertheless be ended prematurely by the social partner. The consequence is that the person feels bitterly disappointed that conversations, friendships, and relationships are short-lived, and social popularity remains elusive. Another issue is that once friendship is achieved, the person can become possessive, idealizing their new friend with an intensity that is overwhelming. When the friendship or relationship ends, there can be intense despair and feelings of abandonment, betrayal, and of being misunderstood.

The “Camouflaging” Extrovert

The second adaptation for the person with autism who is an extrovert is to recognize their difficulties in reading nonverbal communication and in making and keeping friends. With this insight, they acquire successful social and interpersonal abilities by keenly observing peers and people in general, analyzing their social behavior, and interpreting and abiding by social rules and conventions, thus effectively camouflaging their social difficulties. The person creates a social “mask.” This third adaptation to autism—camouflaging—which was first recognized as an adaptation to autism by girls and women, but which we now recognize as also occurring with males.

People on the Autism Spectrum are substantially more likely to consider suicide and also to do it (from memory it is 6x more and 2x more).

This makes sense when you consider my 4 word summary of people with Asperger’s – Think More, Feel More.

We typically over-think everything, and are a lot more emotional. Being withdrawn and “lacking empathy” are actually coping mechanisms, to deal with the overload of feelings. If I accidentally stood on an ant, I am sure I would literally cry, if I hadn’t spent my whole life adjusting my behaviour to be more normal.

When I was younger I contemplated it in theory many times, but when I attempted it, I surprised myself. It kinda came out of nowhere, but was clearly from an accumulation of desperate loneliness, alienation and being in a situation I didn’t have the skills to cope with.

It was also, perhaps, the best thing I ever failed. Because I also “think more”, suicide is the most irrational thing imaginable. It has ever since been something that is stupid to even contemplate. And I have loved being alive more because of it.

• You only live once (probably)
• Any form of existence is better than nothing (perhaps)
• But here’s the kicker – if you are so low you want to end things, that is most likely the worst things will ever get. Which means your future must be better. Which means the whole rest of your life could be an existence where you don’t think that way again.

I have since known numerous suicidal people, and been in situations where I was involved as someone they could talk to. I am no expert, have no training, have read no books on the topic – but I think I have been helpful (they are all still alive).

I think my approach comes from being on the spectrum – I talk logic to them. I don’t discuss the situation they are in, or family, or the past, or how it is selfish. They are all on the emotional side of things that got them there. I just explain that it is a stupid, illogical thing to do, especially as I know from experience that things will definitely get better. I mention all the nice possibilities in their future they will never get to have. And I tell them that it is their choice, but doing it would be nonsensical. I make a point of saying it is a choice, and they get to decide. I figure that is different to their state of mind which is suggesting there is no choice, that there is only one way out.

I have known people who have killed themselves. I just never got to discuss it with them. I think that’s my point. Be the person they will want to talk to.

Supposedly 80% of communication is non-verbal.

I know that, without a doubt, when you remove seeing the person who is talking from the equation, I struggle.

Don’t get me wrong – I get less information non-verbally, socially, than neuro-typical folk. But I get less information in general, and less of what is already less makes things worse.

The reason I know this… in my 20s I travelled a lot. I was in foreign lands more than NZ. I phoned my parents as frequently as I could (it was very expensive back then, pay phones).

And I had to be drunk to call them. These are the people I knew the most in my life, by far, obviously. I could picture them saying something easily. They are the people I had conversed with the most, by far. And yet, with only a voice to get social clues from, I found it immensely difficult, almost impossible, to call them.

Yet another example of how for me personally, alcohol was a saviour. It took the edge off an overwhelming environment.

A huge aspect of my “condition” is familiarity. For example, where I currently work, for my first year there, I literally didn’t have a casual conversation with anyone. I dressed quite formally, and I was pretty much terrified that I would make a mistake. These days I am massively comfortable there, even bold at times. No wonder Aspys are know for their work loyalty.

Last night I went to 2 venues that were new to me, The Croxton to see The Damned, and a goth night at The Sub Club.

Because the Croxton hosted the Eagles of Death Metal a few years back, and the same band was attacked by terrorists in Paris on my birthday, and the night’s band was called The Damned, I had it in my head that an attack was unlikely but possible. I spent a good half hour on an exit strategy.

I was drunk at Sub Club but not drunk enough to get loose. At a familiar venue with the same people and music I would’ve been dancing all night. As it was, I got loose around 3am for 10 minutes. I was verging on memory loss to get to that happy, carefree state.

I said this here 6 years ago:

For me personally, I get claustrophobic – too much going on in one place. When I enter a large social situation (rock concert, wedding, lecture) I will usually be against a wall and close to an exit – in case I need to escape. But these apply mostly to new situations. Repeated situations don’t have me on guard nearly as much.