Think Too Much, Feel Too Much

This isn’t news to me. I have been saying this for years. Autism is a response to thinking and feeling more than neuro-typical folk. It is a defence mechanism. While we might appear to have the least empathy, ultimately we have too much.

Bringing his world-class research to bear on the problem, he devised a radical new theory of the disorder: People like Kai don’t feel too little; they feel too much. Their senses are too delicate for this world.
https://www.salon.com/2019/11/16/how-a-neuroscientists-infant-son-revolutionized-our-understanding-of-autism/

Individuals with autism spectrum disorder often report that looking in the eyes of others is uncomfortable for them, that it is terribly stressful, or even that “it burns.” Traditional accounts have suggested that ASD is characterized by a fundamental lack of interpersonal interest; however, the results of our study align with other recent studies showing oversensitivity.

I had a moment when I worked as a tram conductor in the 90s. Most the job was boring and invited a lot of thoughts about the nature of being. I looked at everyone sitting in their seats and chose to feel their sadness. And I felt it. Not the specifics of their sadness, just the feeling. Under the brave face they were wearing. Every single person at that moment had deep underlying sadness. And everyone ultimately, regardless of the journey they attempt to achieve it, just wants love.

I’m not good at expressing and interpreting feelings, because I feel them too much, not because I lack them. And I’m one of the lucky ones who only has a tinge of it, and can pass for normal. Those people who rock/stim to cope, I cannot be around them, for I know what hell they are going through. And it hurts.

 

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